SF Food Itinerary: Gordon's Visit

where does one take a new yorker to eat in SF during a brief visit?

this is the food itinerary that i put together and what we ate.....

Day 1

Late evening arrival at my place

• Dirty Girl Arrowhead cabbage + early girl tomatoes dressed with broad bean soy, champagne vinegar, furikake, roasted sesame oil, house tea infused sugar, Marshall honey, and house tea bitters.
• Re-heated “Big Daddy” Hapa Ramen Take Home Kit (pork broth, corn, arugula, kombu, nori, squash, sous-vide egg, pork, and fried breaded chicken). 
• Tasting of St. George Rye Gin

Day 2

My place:

• UK Black Tea (Marks + Spencer Fair Trade Extra Strong)
• Dirty Girl Strawberries  +  Flavor Grenade Pluots from Tory Farms

Breakfast at Craftsman and Wolves

• Sightglass Latte
• The Rebel Within
• Corn + Thyme Pastry
• Tomato Strawberry Scone
• Chocolate Croissant Stack
• Sipping Caramel
• Purchase for Partner: Matcha Jam

Fatted Calf

• Pork Pluot Sandwich on Focaccia
• Purchase for Taking to New York: Beef Jerky

Smitten

• Salted Caramel

Blue Bottle: Hayes Valley Kiosk

• New Orleans Iced Coffee

Absinthe

• Inner Peace Cocktail
• Galapagos

Nopalito

Cocktails

• Mezcal Paloma 
• Mayan Sidecar

Food

• Taco de Pescado al Pastor
• Quesadilla con Flor de Calabaza
• Birria de Borrego

Comstock

• Martinez
• Cherry Bounce

COI (Six Course Dessert Tasting)

• Frozen Lime Marshmallow (coal toasted meringue)
• Paired With 2011 La Montecchia Moscato ‘Fior d’Arancio”, Veneto, Italy
• Grapefruit 2006 (cognac, ginger, black pepper, tarragon)
• Paired with 2004 Darting Rieslaner Beernauslese ‘Durkheimer Nonnegarten;, Pfalz
• Peaches & Cream
• Imbue Bittersweet White Vermouth, Gaston, Oregon
• Preserved Lemon 7:13
• 2005 Chateau Terte de Lys Sauternes, France
• Silken White Chocolate
• Candied Raspberry
• 2011 Ca’Rossa Brachette ‘Bibet’, Piedmont Italy

Day 3

SF Ferry Building

• Blue Bottle Latte
• Frog Hollow Scone
• Humphry Slocombe: Secret Breakfast + Chocolate Smoked Sea Salt
• various produce and gifts purchases at market vendors

OTD on Bush

• Goi Cuon
• Banh Cuon
• Beef Pho
• Cha Trung
• Iced Coffee
• Jasmine Silver Needle Tea

Wing Wings

• Brown Sugar Black Pepper Biscuits

Maven

• Death in the Afternoon
• Yellow Brick Road
• The Original Whisper
• Smoking Maria

Single Malt Tasting Party

• St. George | Hudson | Balcones | Amrut Kadhambam | Yamazaki | Laguvulin 16 | McCarthy’s
• Mission Chinese Food Delivered
• Thrice Cooked Bacon
• Salt Cod Fried Rice
• Mongolian Beans
• Ma Po Tofu
• Kung Pao Pastrami
• Pork Jowl + Radishes

Post Party

• Scream Sorbet: Coconut Thai Basil
• Kee’s Chocolates

Day 4

My place

• Four Barrel Coffee

Quick stop into Arlequin to Purchase Sightglass Beans

Bar Agricole

• Food
• Scone
• Duck Leg, Frisee, Egg, Crème Fraiche
• Buckwheat beignets
• BLT
• Cocktails
• Fruit Cup
• Supreme
• Sleepyhead

Bi-Rite Creamery

• Basil
• Brown Sugar Swirl
• Olive Oil
• Salted Caramel

Before Flight Meal

• Leftover Mission Chinese
• Experimental Cocktail with Knoll Figs
• 4505 Meats Chicarrones
• Smoked Salmon (Sus/Hapa)

Other

• Recchiuti Chocolate Bar for Flight Back to New York

hapa on fillmore kickstarter

"i think you should jump in a pool naked."

i really don't think richie was expecting me to say that. methinks i'm the most outwardly prudish person associated with hapa...yet, there i was gleefully suggesting that richie be naked for the camera. you know, for the hapa on filllmore kickstarter.

i qualified it with "i really don't think people want to to see you naked. it is more about how it would be funny and demeaning. we could ask jesse could film you from behind jumping into the pool. give people an incentive to pledge us beyond 100%."

richie didn't really looked too convinced by it. i also wasn't too certain how jesse would feel about filming it either, but i certainly wasn't going to film it. i also had a feeling that i'd get vetoes from sus, svet, and finch as being tapped as videographers well.

but i was pretty stubborn on the point of having an incentive that people would like in order to keep pledging beyond 100%. then i clarified some more with "you know how anthony bourdain bitches about some of the demeaning things his producers have him do on his shows but he does them anyway right? it is because people LOVE that shit."

"i'm not jumping in a pool naked."

"i really don't care if you are naked. it just has to be dignity challenging. i mean, really, i saw that munchies video. you were dry humping brett."

"ok, i'll figure something out but i'm not going to be naked."

this was just a snippet of many o' many conversations i've had with hapa over the past few weeks regarding the hapa on fillmore kickstarter campaign that we launched on tuesday morning.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/haparamen/building-our-dream-kitchen-together-at-hapa-on-fil

there have been meetings at the kitchen, discussions during breaks in service, running around filming videos, late night texting conversations, and conference calls.....all while i am working my corporate job and while  everyone else is prepping, cooking, and working service.

even after we launched, there is still much to do. in between non-hapa meetings i was having downtown, i'd try to make progress on the "thank you" sketches for the kickstarter backers that contributed the largest dollar amounts.



seeing me sketch something in a conference room while waiting for the next meeting to start is not something that folks usually see. so when people asked me about it....i told them what they were for,  told them about the campaign, and my involvement in it. they looked surprised. i could also see that they "saw" me differently.  not in a bad way. just looking at me like a puzzle that they hadn't quite figured out.

it is difficult to describe how it felt to not hide one aspect of my life from another.

in many ways, i am, like hapa, entering another stage in my life. there are an incredible amount of things going on right now and it has been lovely to see so much support for hapa through tweets, photos, postings, shout-outs, and videos.

i hope, dear reader, that you will also consider contributing to the hapa kickstarter. it doesn't have to be  funds toward helping us build our dream kitchen...every tweet, sharing, posting, or link also helps us get the word out about the upcoming restaurant.  every bit helps!

rethink

unsegmented

my life is segmented.

there are parts of my life that are completely unaware of the other.

the segmentation began when i started the alias "foodie hunter" over four years ago. everything i believed about the life i thought i was going to have at the time...changed.

after seven years together, i was not going to spend the rest of my life with the person that i promised i would. there are no words to accurately describe what that loss feels like. 


the sis was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. she stopped eating. the name "foodie hunter" was born out of poking fun at myself because i was trying to track down things that she could eat. we were and are in this together.


work wise, things were great. i really loved the people i was working with and i was obtaining some mind boggling unexpected recognition. i remember i was at a table, surrounded by great coworkers, who were all laughing at me because i really had no idea that the executive at the podium at the company wide meeting was saying all of these nice things about me before my name was called out to receive an award for exceptional contribution. i really did think they were talking about someone else. this amused everyone but me at the table.

while all of these experiences were going on, i knew that i wanted...no needed....something different. i needed to make something, to learn something, and to be creative. i wanted it to be just for me. a secret. my room of my own. i knew that social media was something that intrigued me from a technology perspective and when something....anything....intrigues me, i set up a lab. 


so i created the "foodie hunter" alias with multiple types of online presence and analytics....a mini-ecosystem. 


i decided it would be a place where i would pursue passions for writing, cooking, and photography....while pushing my ever private self to be more open. i would write in all lowercase to have an immediate visual indicator that this is not a formal space. the tone of the work would be deliberately intimate. a 1:1 connection similar to when speaking to closest loved ones throughout the night....watching the sun rise. this would be my most private voice.....the voice i use for my sanctuary. i decided that making it public (gulp) would force me to grow as a person. the foodie hunter lab experiment appealed to the ever practical side of me as well. i would be able to use this practical experience with social media and incorporate it into my work. 


what started out as a learning lab experiment changed everything for me.

everything.

it began when it slowly became known among a certain circle of friends that i was the person behind the alias. almost everyone was supremely surprised...especially with the raw authenticity of the voice. friends of friends...as they found out...treated me differently. there was an open acceptance that i wasn't expecting. it is also fascinating how there is a group selecting process... observing which friends would decide to tell whom....and how there are still "in real life" folks that don't know.

i can always tell when someone has read me. there is an unguarded recognition on their part and an air of assumed intimacy. it is slightly unnerving to know that someone knows you ...or has seen some of your most private musings....when you don't know them. yet, these days...instead of making me cringe, i've accepted it.

things got complicated when i was being recruited to become part of a team to take a company public and obtain many stamps in my passport. the opportunity was exciting and a wee bit scary in an exhilarating way. it also meant having to lock-down on who knew that i was "foodie hunter". this is when the parallel segmented identities really began.

things got more complicated with shout outs from famous bloggers, online publications, and getting pictures on global sites like san pellegrino.

then things got even more complicated when i heard that amy invited this guy she used to work with named richie nakano to a party where a bunch of us were pitching in...and how it was possible that he and sky were going to show up. it was complicated because it was around the time i was avoiding the guilt-laden scolding tweets from "linecook" about not announcing myself when eating, taking pictures of, and writing about hapa ramen food under the foodie hunter alias.

this is the real reason i outed myself to richie by the way.

i mean really...lets think about this.

if he and sky showed up at a small party and i was taking pictures + tweeting about it as foodie hunter....richie was going to figure it out anyway.

so i went to the back of the stand, vic + richie were probably like "who the fuck is this?" before i outed myself saying "i take pictures under foodie hunter" and that we both knew amy....then i scurried away....with richie yelling after me "hey! what's your real name?". i was so bitter. the parallel lives were not suppose to be converging goddammit. fucking san francisco and the zero degrees of separation.

i didn't know at the time just how fucking complicated it was going to get.

later on, kitty's brother wasn't able to work OtG at the last minute and richie texted me asking if i would help out. i said yes. i showed up. i worked service. this was the start of my third segmented identity....one that developed over the last couple of years. there are folks that only know me on sight as someone on the hapa crew. they ask me things like "is hapa at the market today?", they know me from seeing me at the kitchen, or i get discounts because they associate me with hapa and i purposefully go less often now because i don't want to take advantage.

the segmentation was initially necessary and has caused some issues in each separate life.

a prime work life example was when i was in hong kong for meetings and presentations with the APAC team. i snuck in a few slides about social media and being on the look out for regional/localized equivalents to twitter online or on smart phones....as a way to interact and build community with product install bases. especially since mobile devices were already a commonly accepted lifestyle choice (i.e., mobile phones + mobile app development were a hella lot hotter in the early 2000s in asia than the states). i stressed that it was about making connections and enabling users to make connections with each other to build a dialog about brands. this was a presentation i gave about 4 years ago. they hadn't even heard of twitter. during this session they looked at me like i was crazy when i got to these slides. i couldn't explain that i was able to see and experience first hand how the evolution this tool and those like it....had the potential for providing another significant touch point with customers and building a community around a product or brand....because that would mean telling them about the foodie hunter lab that i absolutely positively wasn't suppose to have.  

see what i mean about fucking complicated?

the last couple of weeks have been very challenging on many fronts. it has reminded me of what is really important in life and how short our time is here. it has also forced me to review the past few years and recognize why i wanted and needed portions of my life....or portions of me....to be segmented.

yet, that was then....and this is now.

food porn: mochi cake from cafe hana in japantown on post

the tip was courtesy of cdouble.

last night at the hapa popup at wing wings

last night, i was still working on a few things at home when i saw the wing wings folks tweet out that there was a line out of the door at the opening of the hapa popup. my first thought was "hell yeah!" then i thought..."oh, this will mean that hapa will likely sell out of foie before i get there." i think it is pretty well known that i avoid crowds whenever possible...even hapa crowds...unless i'm working service of course. so i just settled back into work for a couple of more hours before i made my way over to wing wings to see how everyone was doing. 




service was slammin and dishes were quickly being sold out. 








as i was observing from the sidelines, i was thinking about how there is a grace to service that i still appreciate.









for me, even if i'm not working service at the tuesday popup, i still show up. it is more to show my support...check-in with everyone....provide some small treats to hopefully ease the pace of such a long day.



sometimes, it really is just letting folks you care about know that you give a shit. for the hapa folks...it is an extremely long day as everyone is at the ferry building farmers market for the first shift...then everyone heads over to the lower haight for the second shift. i also think it is rather mind boggling that the wing wings folks provide their space on tuesday nights for the popups....when that is their only night off.  as i have referenced before, this is just a single example of how the wing wings folks are supportive of building community. over the past year, i find that they are remarkably press shy in the ways they support and collaborate with local food vendors. they are people that don't really shout from the rooftops about what they do...they just do it.  for those of you that read me an ongoing basis, it will be no surprise to you that i have a lot of respect for them and definitely appreciate that they open up their space for the hapa family.

duck + foie at the next hapa popup at wing wings

unfortunately, i wasn't able to sign up for ryan's series of foie classes that just happened. one of these days, the stars are going to be aligned and i'll be able to take one of his classes. i missed out on my chance this round. there is just a lot going on right now with work, i was on call as my godfather was in town, and i also wanted to see if sky + i were going to see brave this past weekend. hopefully we'll see it soon. i know that both of us have been looking forward to it.

in between my working on "day" job stuff over the weekend, i had a chance to observe and learn a bit about foie by watching richie in the hapa kitchen.

i find that hanging out with hapa over the past couple of years, i learn a lot just by being there at the right time. i've been at the kitchen when richie was pushing the foie through the tamis before, yet, i hadn't been at the kitchen to observe the foie being prepped for the tourchon, poached in the sake mirin bath, and hung to dry. as i was observing richie do the prep for what will eventually become the foie terrine at the popup at wing wings tomorrow night (tuesday, june 26th) ....

it is pretty obvious that he's this done before. a lot. 

for those of you who have been reading me for the past couple of years, you already know that richie's foie is among my top favorite things that he makes. i've also made things like...a foie banh mi from his foie. while i was at the kitchen, i also had a chance to see some of the prep for the duck legs for the ramen. 

the marinade for the sous vide duck legs smelled heavenly. 

it is going to be very poultry centric tomorrow night at the popup at wing wings. hapa will be running a spicy chicken ramen, a duck ramen, and the foie terrine. i'm looking forward to it quite a bit. 

less of an asshole. maybe.

i think i may have found a couple of new (to me) work spots. thank goodness. i'm currently working from one of them now and am taking a quick break. i also think that i may keep to myself where these places are for a while. i'm finding SF is getting smaller and smaller every day....and anonymity is becoming more challenging to maintain. there is something odd about getting an askew glance of recognition or speculation. part of me thinks i should have a rotating flashing LCD screen that reads something like "i'm not in the industry", "you really don't know who i am", or "i'm not a groupie". i know that there are industry folks that think i'm kind of an asshole because if i happen to be with homies who are speaking to them, i don't say anything. the more i learn about the industry, the more aware i become of certain group of individuals who lack self esteem and seek to obtain self esteem vicariously through flirtations with cooks. it would be different if i was a cook. it would be different if i had a penis. but i'm not a cook...and let me do a quick check...yup....still no penis and no desire to grow or surgically attach one. so it makes a big difference in perception. 

yeah, i'm going to own that in an ideal world i wouldn't care how i am perceived. yet, in this instance, i have no desire to be branded or labeled as a whore. having worked in male dominated fields for my entire work life, i have seen the consequences of being labeled as such....and the battles that happen because of it. 

yeah, i'm going to own that if i had a choice between being perceived as an asshole or a whore, i'm going to pick the asshole...every single time. i'm also going to own that one of my major faults is....pride. i have more pride than a dozen people should have....much less someone as tiny as i am. one of the other major faults of mine is stubbornness. so when you put both of those things together.....you get something where loved ones get kinda exasperated with me. 

like recently when i got on rant about it with a homie and how i just don't have respect for someone that uses sex to get what they want. his calm response?  "i don't think you should have respect for them." 

yeah, i know i can be a trial sometimes.

the groupie archetype is not a new phenomenon and nor is it something that only occurs in the food industry. in a previous life, i had the opportunity to work on projects with some of the most brilliant distinguished and principal engineers.....or folks that just went public/acquired/whatever and happened to be the latest "it" darling.....and even they had groupies. i'd try to keep the eyeball rolling to a minimum when colleagues/friends were dealing with them....then we'd go out for dinner where we'd discuss business as well as my recommendations on where to take their wives for a night out in san francisco, paris, or wherever. i know some of them enjoyed the attention immensely. i know some were embarrassed by it. i know some were confused by it. i know some were angered by it. i knew....because we worked so closely together....how it impacted some of their relationships with their significant others. 

so it is all of this historical knowledge that is floating around in my over analytical brain that i carry over with me when i interact with industry folks. after repeated scoldings from industry friends, i'm trying to be less of an asshole.....but i have a feeling that it is going to take a while.  

food porn: south indian thali from dosa on fillmore (weekends only)

early morning

first meetings of the day are cancelled.

since i have a few hours since my day "officially" begins, i thought i'd take a quiet moment, nosh on a frog hollow peach, look out of the window, and watch the morning. 

i observe people walking with purpose. the buses, despite the early hour in san francisco, are completely packed. i assume people are getting ready to go to work or school. there is something humbling and comforting about living in a city. no matter what may be happening in one's own sphere, one is surrounded by people who are experiencing their everyday lives. they work. they study. they connect. 

this morning, i observe these people with a dispassionate distance. i assume that they must have their own struggles and joys. yet at this moment, they are external. while on some level it is good to be reminded that life, indeed, goes on. this morning, i'm not really caring about those strangers i see. while i was extraordinarily relieved when i was given the okay by my doctor this past week, loved ones experienced some incredible loss. 

i know that when i face traumatic experiences certain survival behaviors happen. i become numb. oddly enough...decisions, paths, and actions become crystalline. i attack whatever it is. there is no hesitation. i know what i need to do. i implement a plan to ensure that i am safe. 

then.....then....when i am safe, then it comes. 

i prefer to be alone when it happens. i've been informed that this isn't my most endearing trait.

it is remarkably different though....when those that i care about face loss or traumatic experiences. i am not numb. the familiar arrogant confidence i have dissipates. nothing is crystalline. i don't know what to do. i don't know what they need me to do. i don't know too many things.  i feel helpless.

i do know that i wish that they weren't having to face these things. i do know that if i could, in some magically realm, i would redirect what they are facing upon some evil person instead. i do know that despite not knowing so many things, i'm not going to stop trying to figure out how they need me to be there. 

despite everything, i have faith in three things.

i'll support them however they want me to support them. they will get through it. they will be ok. 

food porn: a cocktail with seasonal tasting menu at dosa on fillmore

cherish

you know how i've gotten so much shit for talking about who i care about, who i am excited about, who i want to celebrate, who i want to acknowledge as making strides toward their dreams in this blog instead of breaking people down?

you know how i keep harping about making sure that those that i love know that i love them...and how i'd rather stand there.....and be a silly fool or be self conscious or be uncomfortably socially awkward and ensure that they know...then not know?

well this is why i don't care how much shit i get and this is why when i care about you.....you know it.

today, i found out that one of my godfather's best friends was walking home with his partner in the castro and  he died. he died as they were walking home. no warning. he just passed on. it wasn't one life that ended in that moment. it was two.

how would you feel in that situation?

how would you feel when your love....your lover...your friend....the person that you've decided to spend the rest of your life with....the person that you've been with in sickness, in health, in bickering, in laughter, in rage,  in happiness, in disappointment, and in love with....for decades.....is taken in an unexpected everyday moment.

or

how would you feel when you are walking along the sidewalk with your love....just an everyday moment...a moment that you've done countless times throughout the decades....and then suddenly and you feel something shift within your body...you are no longer in control....and you know it is your turn.

if in some magical world ....time could stop and you were allowed to say something to each other....what would you say? what would you be concerned about?

when the godfather told me what happened, i was in a state of shock and incredibly saddened. yes, i know them. i've laughed with them. i've gone to them for advice. i've celebrated holidays with them. they are part of an extended family.

yet, one is gone. the other is broken.

now i sit here feeling angry. angry at other people that waste time.

life is too short to spend energy on the haters, trolls, or those who seek to deliberately harm. life brings on the drama, tragedy, and heartbreak. it doesn't ask "is now a good time?"  because it is never a good time...and it doesn't care.


during my time here, i choose to expend my energy acknowledging, celebrating, supporting those i see making a difference, those i see pursuing their dreams, and those i care for. because when it is my turn, i don't want to rely upon living in a magical realm where time stops so i can say all of the things i meant to say but never got around to saying.....because there was pride, because there was fear, because there was anger. 


don't be reckless with people you care for. 


cherish them.

chelsea's dinners

i've written quite a bit about the pursuit of passions.....not only of mine...but also of those i am fortunate to be friends with. since the inception of this blog, i have referred to one of the most talented cooks i know as CK. 

over the past decade i've smiled quite gleefully when straight male friends enter a state of bliss when they taste her food....and before they can offer up any impromptu marriage proposals, i tell them "you know chelsea's in love with/married to louis right?....oh, and did you know that she's also wickedly smart? oh....and did you know that she's really good at giving massages?".

snicker.

i have such a mean sense of humor sometimes.



over the past few years, i have listened quite intently as chelsea spoke of her desire to extend her passion for cooking in a professional environment. i have also observed quite intensely as she volunteered and worked at industry events, conducted her own catering projects, held a popup dinner in oakland, delighted quite a few people with her food at my rye whiskey tasting party, and even quietly set up a stand and completely sold out of her wares at the lower haight holiday market last december. 


while i have written about chelsea's appearance at the lower haight holiday market....what i didn't say in that posting was how fascinating it was....watching how many strangers ended up hawking chelsea's holiday goodies for us that day. for example, there was this amazingly nice lower haight record store owner that had set up his stand next to ours....and instead of selling his music.... he was telling folks about chelsea's brittle and how they should buy it! i actually wasn't surprised that this happened. the proof of her passion and talent is in the taste, texture, technique, and flavor profiles of her food.......as well as how people connect with her food.




so you can imagine my excitement when chelsea told me that she was planning to put on a series of multicourse dinners at various locations....and that the first dinners would be inspired by north africa for a contribution of $40 per person. 





she also forwarded me the menu.....

• Chicken and Walnut Rillettes with Housemade Crackers and Pickled Vegetables
• Spinach Falafel with Beet Tzatziki
• Grilled Apricots with Spiced Dates, Housemade Yogurt Cheese and Savory Granola
• North African Spiced Lamb with Carrot, Feta and Harissa Salad and Hand Rolled Couscous
• Housemade Yogurt Rose Mousse with Strawberries and Pistachio Meringues

i immediately reserved a couple of spots and brought along and treated a friend of mine (who is also, coincidentally enough, an amazing cook as well) to the dinner. 









despite us knowing each other for such a long time....i was rather belligerently insistent regarding paying for the dinners. as she is starting out, i wanted to support her. also, i had a feeling that i was going to write about it. as many industry folks have already found out....i can be quite stubborn about paying. this is an understatement.






i absolutely loved the meal and was happy to have a chance to take a few pics. when my dining companion and i left the dinner to make our way to our prospective apartments....my friend said to me "that was outstanding". yes....yes it was. later that night...when i arrived home...i was very happy to text chelsea to let her know what they thought....as i had a feeling that kind of validation would be nice to have.



if you'd like to have a chance to have this same meal....chelsea is showcasing this same menu on the 30th of june at 6:30pm. if you are interested in booking a spot or want to ask any questions, you can contact her at chelseasdinners (at) gmail.com. the exact location will be revealed after booking is completed.

UPDATE:
unfortunately, chelsea and the family got the flu.....so she had to cancel the dinner. stay tuned for one of chelsea's dinners in late july....

dreams and milestones that actualize them

i'm feeling sentimental at the moment.

i guess it could be the visit to the ER over the weekend...but it actually started before then.

over the past couple of weeks, i've been observing some major changes and milestones within the lives of people i respect. chelsea aka "CK" aka one of the most talented cooks i know....embarked on her first of a series of dinner events (i'll be talking more about that in a later post), amy has left nopa to travel for a bit...and i can't wait to see what she decides to do next....she + i both know that i will do whatever she wants me to do to help support her next stage, cdouble's place met the year mark from the official opening... woohoo!, and as for hapa......hapa started construction on the restaurant today. earlier today, richie tweeted a pic of it and after i saw the pic, it made me realize just how many milestones have happened over the last couple of weeks.

while i was working from a jtown cafe today, a member of the family stopped by for a chat. we talked about a few things. one of the things that i brought up was how....historically....when something is important to me...it is hard for me to find the right words. sometimes i sit there....having no idea what to say....completely silent....looking like this

O_O

i've been informed that it is very irritating. repeatedly. it is something that i constantly work on. i'm better now than i used to be but i still have a long way to go.

so tonight, as i wind down from the evening....thinking about the day and the past couple of weeks....i'm reflecting on what it means to see folks pursue their passions and reach milestones that actualize them. how truly important is to say "hey! i see what is going on! this is awesome!"

i think life brings on so much unexpected drama, negativity, and challenges. i'm not one of those people that think everyone is inherently good. personally, i think the majority of the world is filled with assholes....myself included. yet, when i see folks....working hard to actualize their dreams....making things happen on their own terms...it makes me feel so happy for them.

i'd rather say something about it and be perceived as silly idiot than sit there....silent....looking like this

O_O

so

so.

i had a bit of an unexpected visit to the ER this weekend.

i'm ok now.

there is something odd about everything in one's body working perfectly fine....except one's access to air. i called the heart sis as soon as i realized something was wrong and she in turn, called her hubby, AC, because he was actively working his shift in the city. he was here when i called my healthcare on-call advice line. when i described the symptoms to the nurse on the line....she told me to lay down, call for 911, and wait for an ambulance to get here to take me to a hospital because she suspected i was having an allergic reaction.

instead of calling 911, AC took me to the emergency room. while i was being processed for admittance, the medical staff were a wee bit distracted. one of the security officers got all worked up wondering if there was a problem and another one of the medical staff asked the same thing.  i was wondering what the heck what everyone's problem was and why people kept talking to AC asking if AC was with me.

i was like WTF...i'm the one with the breathing problem here and why are you asking AC if he's with me? then i said he's with me because i called his wife, he works in the city, and he's on break from work to be here. they still ignored what i said. then AC said "she's not in my custody."

then the staff relaxed.

you see, i've known AC since i was 18. the heart sis and i met at college. AC and the heart sis have been dating since we've been in college. when i see AC, i don't see the uniform, i see AC who happens to be dressed for a shift at work. yet, when other people see AC, they see SFPD.


oh, for fuck's sake.


this is AC who when we were baby youngsters absolutely delighted in telling me that he arrested someone for solicitation that looked exactly like me. oh goodie. great to know that there is a prostitute walking the streets of SF that looks exactly like me. this is also AC, being a third gen irish american (aka white guy), makes japanese tourists all atwitter when he speaks to them in japanese. this was AC who i was across from in the delivery room....watching the heart sis give birth to their daughter....and my goddaughter...and both of us laughing because the OB/GYN was making jokes about her full head of black hair "like a chinese baby" as she was being born. this is also the AC that has faced some seriously dangerous bullshit for his job. this was the AC that was there with me, taking time out of his job, because he was concerned about me.  


he was not there because he had ARRESTED ME.


this is actually quite funny now. 


it wasn't funny then....but it is funny now. 


when i got home from the hospital, i called the heart sis to let her know that i was ok, i told her about that and we started laughing. 

a life without chosen family, friends, passions, and laughter....is not a life. i feel fortunate.